Happiness
by danceforevergirl
Summary: If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, his answer would never be the same. Because feelings ebb and flow and nothing is sure anymore, not in these times, and maybe there are others that know his life, but only one that knows him. And he can only hope that they will stay close, and maybe be happy themselves. Oneshot. Wolfstar.


Happiness

First Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he would beam up at them from his place on the couch, one arm around Peter and the other around Remus. Why wouldn't I be, he would ask, before glancing back to the dark figure in the back of the room, his smile not fading for a moment. His eyes would dance as he thought of all that had happened, no thoughts about his father or faded scars crossing his mind. And after a moment of consideration he would laugh, laugh until everyone thought he was crazy, and then he would say that this is the happiest he's ever been.

Second Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he would smirk and look at them like he knew some important secret they didn't, and then say that yes, he was very happy. And he'd mean it, because there was that spark in his eyes that let them know. He'd shoot Remus a knowing glance and wink, and the younger boy would roll his eyes and go back to the large volume in his lap. And to be honest, he was happy, but maybe not as happy as he seemed. Secrets ate away at him, and this was one he had to keep, which made it all the worse. But he knew he would, he couldn't disappoint Remus, and that gave him peace.

Third Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he would shrug and shoot them a tired look, pain in his eyes. He'd say that happiness is overrated, no one is really ever happy, we all have our secrets. And Remus would step up behind him, place his hand on his shoulder, and say something about being too dramatic. So he would sigh and nod with an exasperated look. He'd say, yes, I'm happy. Okay? Then he'd flop down on the couch and Remus would give him a sympathetic look, and maybe go over and think about how someone like Sirius could take shit like that. And Sirius would swear to himself that he would never go back to them again, with fire in his eyes.

Fourth Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he wouldn't reply. At least not for a while. He'd chew on the end of his quill and glance around the common room, then, after a minute or two, he'd speak. He'd say that it depends on what happy means, whether it's the good moments or the bad, because, depending on how you look at it, that year could be considered the best, or the worst. He'd twist his father's ring around his finger and look over at the boy reading by the fire, and he'd smile in that moment before turning back and saying that, yeah, he was happy.

Fifth Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he would give them a knowing smile and glance down at his hand, his fingers entwined in those of a certain golden haired boy, who would glance around for a moment just to make sure there was no one else in the common room. Sirius would grin and say that he'd never been happier his entire life, and Remus would roll his eyes, but blush slightly, and both boys would be totally content, but still a bit cautious. Maybe Sirius would kiss him, maybe Remus would prop up a textbook to cover their interlaced fingers, and maybe they wouldn't be touching at all, but Sirius would be happy.

Sixth Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he would laugh and say that there's no happiness when you're in love, but his eyes would say different. They'd say that he had been happy, then angry, then too in love to take it. There was a winter rain and an "I love you", a slamming door and being alone, and a head in his lap when he drifted off. But they would also say that all that matters is how things turn out, and so Sirius would hum and stroke Remus's hair absentmindedly. He'd say, I love you so much, and the tired boy would reply, I love you too, now shut up and let me sleep. And deep deep down, even if he wasn't aware of it, it would be the first time he was ever truly happy.

Seventh Year:

If someone were to ask Sirius Black if he were happy, he would close his eyes and hold Remus close to his chest. There would be a long embrace before he finally said anything, and even then, it would be for the boy's ears only. I love you, he'd say, and happiness could never compare to that, and maybe it's a good thing. Then he would kiss him gently and no one would know what to say, but the silence would be beautiful, and in that instant they would both realize that they were too far out, but it wouldn't matter, because they were too far out together, and maybe it's a good thing.


End file.
